Thursday, January 31, 2008

Blog 3 ( from Jacks perspective)

"This is so much fun. I almost killed a pig but he got away. I saw pig tracks on the ground and when I followed them I heard snorting in the underbrush. The pig was digging in the dirt with his snout and I crept up on it holding my breath. His ears twitched because I stepped on a branch and gave myself away. His eyes darted in my direction and he took off running. Next time I'll have to get closer and sneak up on it. Then I can spear him through the heart."
This is what I was thinking when I saw Ralph and Simon wasting their time building huts on the beach. Ralph and Simon are so lame because the huts are crooked and falling down. The grass that they put on the roof won't keep out the rain. The logs are tied together with string that they've made from reeds and tendrils and one strong wind will blow the hut apart. Ralph flaunts his ideas like they're actually good. He actually listens to what that fat, four-eyed loser has to say and together they only come up with wrong ideas. Piggy gives me the creeps. He doesn't have the courage to look me in the eye. He only gives me furtive glances out of the sides of his eyes.
This heat is so oppressive but still they're wasting their sweat trying to build these huts. We should all be hunting. We need food. We need a lookout. We need to have weapons with barbs so that more of us can hunt. Nobody listens to Ralph anyway. We have stupid meetings where the little ones look confused, scared, and bewildered and then nobody does what they're supposed to do. The littluns love sitting on the ground listening to Ralph because it reminds them of the assemblies at school. But anyone can see we're not at school anymore. The boys are half naked, their skin sunburned to a crisp, their school uniforms all ripped up, their faces dirty and sweaty. Kids raise their hand and Ralph hands them the conch as if the conch has real power. What a joke. We need a leader who the kids look up to and who scares the kids and punishes them when they don't listen. That's the only way we'll get anything done. Ralph is way too democratic. We need a dictator. We need me.
I love this island that is festooned with wild flowers and bright green tendrils clinging to tree trunks. I love the mysterious and inscrutable jungle that hides all the animals and birds in the underbrush. I love the glimmer of the lagoon as the sunlight dances off its surface. I love this adventure.

7 comments:

mollyb said...

Kira-

You did such a great job at including the required vocabulary. You also really included Jack's strong opinions. Great Job!

William said...

I thought you did a great job! But there was one thing that bugs me.

"This is so much fun. I almost killed a pig but he got away. Next time I'll have to get closer and sneak up on it. Then I can spear him through the heart."
This is what I was thinking when I saw Ralph and Simon wasting their time building huts on the beach

This was on my mind during the rest of the entry. I thought was peculiar that you included "This was what I was thinking" I felt like this was already obvious and completely unnecessary.

Sorry for sounding rude, but I really did like your story except for that pip-squeak part!

srosenstock said...

Kira-
I enjoyed reading your blog a lot. I really liked how you showed what Jack thought about Ralph. Good job!

Leyla said...

-Kira

I really liked the way you made Jack think, it's even more describtive then the book! I really enjoyed how you included how he thought the huts were a waste of time, It made me really hate Jack (Which is a good thing). I also found it really wierd and cool when you wrote that Jack thought that the kids should be punished. ^_^ Good job like always...
-Leyla

QuinnB said...

Kira-
I really liked your blog. I fell that you really captured Jack's thoughts towards hunting and Ralphs "waste of time" building huts.

Mr. Shaddox said...

Kira,

You've written an insightful journal from Jack's perspective. It's interesting how you have painted a portrait of a person with such a split personality. He is simultaneously power hungry and contemptuous, yet mystified by the pristine nature that surrounds him.

REVISION: Can you lace your journal with more visual descriptions? I'd like to "see" more of the following scenes in your journal:

1) The pig hunt
2) Ralph and Simon building huts
3) the meetings

Mr. Shaddox

kkaufman said...

Dear Mr. Shaddox, these are the three revisions I made to blog 3.

I saw pig tracks on the ground and when I followed them I heard snorting in the underbrush. The pig was digging in the dirt with his snout and I crept up on it holding my breath. His ears twitched because I stepped on a branch and gave myself away. His eyes darted in my direction and he took off running.

Ralph and Simon are so lame because the huts are crooked and falling down. The grass that they put on the roof won't keep out the rain. The logs are tied together with string that they've made from reeds and tendrils and one strong wind will blow the hut apart.

We have stupid meetings where the little ones look confused, scared, and bewildered and then nobody does what they're supposed to do. The littluns love sitting on the ground listening to Ralph because it reminds them of the assemblies at school. But anyone can see we're not at school anymore. The boys are half naked, their skin sunburned to a crisp, their school uniforms all ripped up, their faces dirty and sweaty. Kids raise their hand and Ralph hands them the conch as if the conch has real power. What a joke.

Kira